FINDING THE NO BELOW THE YES

And how to create a new empowering pattern

06/09/2017 | Muriel Dalmulder

Do you recognize that feeling of having so much to do that you feel tired? No time to do the things that inspire and motivate you? And while being so busy, if you zoom out and look for the reason why, you’ll find that you are at cause for it yourself? Then it’s time to pay attention to the NO below the YES.

There are so much examples I can give where I say yes without thinking twice. Friends that want to meet for dinner and I haven’t seen them in a long time, so I say yes. My child wants to play with kids at our house, again….  Colleague(s) that thought I was a Chinese take away as I had this tendency to deliver when being asked to do something!

Continuing with examples like this is easy and it is where I find myself at the moment. Yes I admit I am human after all and also have enough to learn. I tend to say YES easily, it is for a reason that my partner often calls me the YES- woman and -mam.

If I dig deeper there is a layer below the YES that to me consists of two parts; the first part acts out of love or out of connection. If somebody close to me needs help, I drop everything and help, feeling good from the heart. My Yes is motivated towards doing something that makes me feel happy.

Now the other part that makes me feel split up, is the pleaser part in me, that somewhere deep down inside is afraid of being rejected, or not being valued, not seen as nice. This is motivated away from what I want and therefor it takes away my energy.

Even though I know how to break patterns and create new ones, this is one that I still have work to do. So as of today, as for everything I do, I have a choice, I make the decision to create a new pattern: “It’s easy for me to say NO the moment I feel split up and the pleaser taking over”.

How will I do that? As of now, before I say YES, to anything, I take time to investigate what are the consequences if I say YES; do I have energy and time for it? How do I feel if I do it, does it make me feel happy from the heart (is it motivated towards what I want), or does it make me feel split up (is it motivated away from what I want)? Then, being honest to myself, I feel, listen, and act accordingly. To re-wire my brain I have to consequently reflect and repeat this new behaviour for a minimum of 21 days!!

I believe we can achieve whatever we want in life, if we follow these important steps that I’ll also integrate into the creation of my new pattern;

  1. Know what you want – this helps your energy to go towards what you want.  All I want is to feel energy, love, connection and happiness in life!
  2. Take massive action – all stays the same if you keep doing what you did. For 21 days I actively will be aware of my YES and how I feel about it and hold track in my book of change of my victories and learnings.
  3. Focus on what you want – energy flows where your attention goes.
  4. Be flexible – we are human and therefor we learn and grow, there is no failure, only feedback.
  5. Install a feedback mechanism – I reflect by myself and will ask my partner to be my mirror.
  6. Be mentally and physically fit – as body and mind are interconnected it will support any desired change.
  7. Have an expanded awareness (instead of a tunnel vision you see the bigger picture, you see the peripheral) – it helps to connect with the unconscious mind and all learning and change happens unconsciously.

So if you feel out of balance or tired because you are so busy with all kinds of things, work, social, family, kids and so on, you might find it’s worth to investigate the NO under the YES. The moment you become aware of the towards or away from motivation, you’ll see, hear and feel that you have a choice!

A comforting question I’ll also ask myself in the process is; “is it ok to disappoint another to be true to yourself”. In the end that is what we all want right?

Take good care of yourself.  Treat yourself as loving as you treat others. Which is only possible if you are true to yourself.

Be Happy. Be Bright. Be You!

FINDING THE NO BELOW THE YES